so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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