Porn is love you can see.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
