I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
