why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
