just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
