u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
