What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
