i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
