as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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