Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize