she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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