It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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