alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
