i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
