You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
