Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
