I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
