So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
