i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
