She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
