With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
