Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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