I just threw up on my dentist
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
