i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
