I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
