he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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