this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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