Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
