It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
