I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
