I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
