i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
