They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
