Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just pynch a tree in the face
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
