After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
