Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
