Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
