I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i think my cat just said my name.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
