You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
