I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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