Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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