some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
