what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
