I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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