I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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