I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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