The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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