We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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