Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
