And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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