Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
