After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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