i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
