Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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