I cockslap morals
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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