I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
