12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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