There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
