They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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