i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need moral support for this bender
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
