My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
