my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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