HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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