I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
