matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
