so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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