you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
