Someone shit on the floor
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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